that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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