bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
