I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
