Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
