Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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