its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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