There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
