I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
