He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
be right there i have to get my cape
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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