if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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