There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do vagina's smell?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
