The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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