he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
