He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
