no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
