She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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