this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My vagina is officially offended.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
