I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
