i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
