she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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