when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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