I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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