Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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