there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I think I just sharted jello shots
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
