I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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