I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and she was petting her beer can
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
