i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
