Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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