Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
