someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
