At least make sure they are 18
Why
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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