he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
