Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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