I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
