Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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