dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
