Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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