I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
