She is in my trunk
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
zippers are such a cool invention
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
