Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
