i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
