Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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