you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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