shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
