I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
