bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
PANTIES FOUND
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