I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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