grandma shit on top of the toilet
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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