I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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