I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
