My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sarcasm needs its own font
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
