im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's not a foreskin expert like you
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
