Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
