Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
