Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
