is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
