and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
